Kilts and Kisses
By Ellie Forsythe
Copyright 2012 Ellie Forsythe
Published by Black Shire Publishing
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
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Cover art by Abigail Fero
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
DEDICATION
For all those who believe and for those who don’t.
Table of Contents
Chapter 1
I could hear the phone vibrating. I cracked an eyelid to check the glowing clock on the table next to me and wanted to cry. 2:46 am. I snuck a look at Will who was still sleeping and was thankful that he hadn’t woken. Throwing off the duvet, I grabbed the phone and snuck out of the bedroom. Shutting the living room door behind me, I answered it.
‘Hello, Ava from People Solutions.’ I hadn’t recognized the number on the screen but I knew it was a client. A client who was hoping for customer service at 2:46 am. A client I had no intention of dealing with if they insisted phoning at this time of the morning. It wasn’t going to be an emergency; it never was.
‘Oh…Hello. It’s Brian from the Portobello Care Home.’
‘Yes?’ I wasn’t trying very hard to sound polite. I usually required eight hours as a minimum for sleep and even that was becoming a struggle nowadays. ‘How can I help?’
‘Are you ill? You don’t sound very good.’ Brian said, refusing to get to the point.
‘I’m fine. I just woke up.’ I replied, hoping it didn’t come out as irritated as I felt.
‘Oh! Did I wake you?’
‘Yes, you did. How can I help?’
‘Well one of our carers called in sick for their twelve to eight shift and I was wondering if you could get someone down here.’
‘Someone called in sick for a midnight shift and you’re wanting a replacement now?’ I asked Brian, incredulous. Almost three hours after the shift had started and he wanted me to wake up my temps trying to find someone to get to Portobello at three in the morning.
‘Yes. Yes, I’d like you to get someone to finish the rest of the shift.’ Brian was getting an attitude.
‘I’m sorry but I’m not going to be able to help.’ I responded with one of my catch phrases. Catch phrases helped me get through the days and nights responding to the same questions and stupidity.
‘How do you know? You haven’t even called anyone.’ Brian obviously thought he knew more than I did about my job.
‘I don’t have to call people to know that no one is going to be happy waking up at three in the morning to me on the phone asking them to get to Portobello. Most of my temps don’t drive and the buses certainly aren’t running at this time of the day.’
This was as rude as I’d ever been and probably as rude as I’d ever get. I wasn’t as harsh as I could have been but I certainly wasn’t delivering the customer service my boss would have expected from me. It was hard to care. When I finally got Brian off the phone, I crawled back into bed and prayed that the on-call phone wouldn’t ring again until after I’d gotten to work.
‘Did you get up in the middle of the night?’ Will asked me as we walked to the bus stop together later that morning. It had been difficult to get out of bed after I’d gone back to sleep and I was still feeling groggy and out of sorts as we made our way to the overhang just down the street from our flat.
‘Yea, someone phoned looking for a carer at like three in the morning. I didn’t wake you, did I?’ I asked. Sometime he woke up when I got these calls and there was nothing quite like it for making me feel guilty. He would ask if I was alright, kiss my shoulder and fall back asleep.
‘Not really, I went right back to sleep.’ Will said, dismissing my fears. ‘But what was he expecting you to do that early?’
‘Provide a miracle, like everyone else.’ I was saved from my growing irritation by the bus and we hurried to the end of the queue. The ride in to town was a quick ten minutes and we both sat silently side by side. I was contemplating the impending work day and as usual, I had no idea what Will was thinking.
We got off at the West End and went our separate ways. Luckily my walk wasn't too far but Will had to get a second bus to his office. Though accountants are notoriously boring people, Will was, I thought, an exception to the rule and he was steady individual. I loved his predictability. Almost as much as his kisses.
But kisses weren’t on my mind much these days. Very little aside from my job entered my thoughts. I even dreamed about my temps and clients and jobs gone wrong. Originally a researcher in a recruitment agency, I was promoted a couple of months ago to recruitment consultant and no one liked a recruitment consultant. Stereotypically we're a slimy, nasty bunch and to be fair, I couldn't fault the general views too much. Despite being at the same company for a year and a half now, I still only had one friend and she was the only person I trusted in the office. Slimy and nasty might not have been just the right words but they weren't too far off either.
When Will and I graduated over two years ago it was difficult to find a job in the recession and university graduates were saturating the job market as jobs were being cut. Will had an easier time of it with his Maths degree, helped by an internship where he was offered a job. My English degree served me less when it came to entering the real world and recruitment seemed to be the only area interested in hiring someone like me.
It didn't help that I was an American on an expiring student visa, friendless in a foreign country and desperate to make my relationship with a local work. My visa cost more than I had hoped but it did the magic trick and suddenly companies that hadn't seemed interested were keen to look at my CV and offer me interviews. Interviews which eventually led to a job. And now, almost two years later I was trying to decide whether or not I regretted taking the first offer that came my way.
I passed my boss having an early morning cigarette, we nodded but I didn't stop, knowing it was too early to engage him in small talk. I was the first one into the office and it was something I depended on. I needed a small amount of time and space to get into the mindset necessary to sit at my desk for the next eight or nine hours. I sat, waiting for my computer and database system to boot themselves up. It was almost time for the rest of the office to dribble in off the streets. Angus, my team leader was the first in after me, having finished his cigarette, he pulled out the bottle of cologne he kept in his drawer and liberally squirted himself and the air around him with it. Wordlessly he left the room and went for his first cup of coffee of the day. Laura was next into the office. Having started the same day as me, we were fast friends. She was the only person in the room that I trusted and I wasn't sure that I would still be here if it wasn't for her. We made sure that the other didn't quit. We were both desperate to hold down jobs and so far this seemed to be all we were suited for.
‘Hey Ava, are we the only ones in so far?’ Laura asked as she hung up her coat.
‘No, Angus is in too, but he went up to get a coffee.’
‘Did you hear that another person got fired?’ She asked as sat down. She sounded nervous.
‘Are you talking about the guy from construction?’ I asked. The company had lost nine members of staff since we were taken on as consultants. Everyone was saying that’s the nature of the business but when as many were quitting as were being fired, it was hard to pretend there wasn’t anything to be worried about.
‘Yea! So you heard about it too?’
‘I was here late with Angus last night and he knew the guy. He said that-’ I stopped talking when the door swung open and David and Kathy walked in.
‘Morning!’ Kathy sang as she sashayed over to her desk. David’s greeting was less enthusiastic but just as genuine.
‘Morning.’ Laura and I chorused. I made a face at her over the top of my computer. We’d finish our discussion at lunch time.
Laura was waiting for me outside the door on the steps. We grinned at each other and she tucked her blonde hair away from the wind as we walked up the street, our steps falling into sync.
‘Jen didn’t say anything to you?’ Laura asked.
‘No. She gave me a dirty look but she was on the phone.’ I said, laughing. An hour lunch break was our legal entitlement but Jen, the manager, didn’t like when people left the office for more than the five minutes it took to get a sandwich. She frequently called Laura on it during her one-to-one meetings though she had yet to say anything to me.
‘Shall we head to the gardens?’ I asked as we walked down towards the West End.
‘Might as well since the weather’s still holding.’ As usual, the sky was clouded over but that didn’t always mean rain.
Laura and I walked towards the Princes St. gardens, not willing to say anything until we’d passed all the usual lunchtime haunts frequented by our colleagues. Once we’d moved into safer territory, we both opened our mouths at the same time.
‘How’s-’
‘So what-’
We both laughed. ‘You go ahead.’ Laura said.
‘I was just going to ask how today was going so far. Jamie has seemed quiet and you were constantly on the phone. Getting some good business?’ Laura was working in hospitality and I was in healthcare. Since we weren’t working in the same area, we’d never had to deal with being in competition.
‘No. Jamie said something to Jen about the upcoming event at the Usher Hall so I’ve been roped into dealing with her client instead of working on my own.’ Laura’s teammate was a constant source of agony for her.
‘How are your stats looking for this week?’ I asked. We were monitored weekly on our performance statistics and meeting or exceeding them could make all the difference in our one-to-one meetings with Jen.
‘They’re fine, as usual. I mean, with the Usher Hall vacancies I’m getting my candidate call numbers but I’m struggling a bit with the business development. How can I work on my clients if Jamie’s are taking up all my time?’ Laura’s frustration was nothing new. Every lunch break that we could get away without snide comments from our colleagues was spent venting and commiserating. Though hospitality was always scraping for business, healthcare was always scraping for temps and we struggled to keep business because we couldn’t always meet client needs.
‘So you going to be able to stick it out another week?’ I asked.
‘I don’t know… I’m worried I’ll be fired before I can quit. I can explain away quitting but being fired looks really bad on your CV.’ Laura and I were relentlessly worried about being fired. Jen made sure that we thought we were constantly hanging from a thread. She preferred Laura to me but I was bringing good numbers to the table where Laura was struggling to make our basic targets.
‘I’m sure you won’t be fired. You’re only a couple of months into being a consultant, you don’t know enough for them to fire you based on your performance. And besides, Jamie has all the business. She didn’t split it like she was supposed to. How are you supposed to make money out of nothing in three months?’ I wasn’t saying anything we hadn’t already said but Laura required reassurance as frequently as I could provide it. She often returned the favour.
‘I know, I know but look at how many people have gone since we started as consultants. I don’t think anyone is safe.’
We strolled down the path hashing out our next pact. Every lunch break we managed to take together we spent deciding how much longer we would manage to stay at People Solutions. When we'd first started we promised ourselves a two year minimum and agreed that it would be easy to keep a job once we'd gotten it. And we weren't too wrong. Working as a researcher in People Solutions was much nicer than working as a recruitment consultant. Though researchers were under pressure from the consultants, we had no targets like they did and our pay wasn't based on commission. Things had been much simpler.
Since we'd been promoted, something I doubted was down to our abilities and probably due more to the number of staff they'd lost, things had gone from tolerable to unbearable. Laura had gotten engaged around the time of our promotion and she was finding it hard to compromise time spent with her fiancé and planning their wedding in order to work the long hours expected of us in our new roles. For me, I was finding it almost too easy to stay late, go in early and work on the weekends. Though I didn't enjoy it, it was mind numbing to lose myself in my work, striving to please a boss who hated me for no apparent reason.
'So what timeline are we looking at now?' I asked.
'I was thinking ‘til the end of the month.' Laura said. I could see she'd been speaking to Douglas, her fiancé, again. She often negotiated with him to see when he thought it was acceptable for her to quit.
'That's not too far away, less than two weeks!' I said. I doubted either of us would ever really quit, but with another of my colleagues having left last month, the on-call rota was bordering on the ridiculous.
'I want to make sure I get paid. Douglas says if I need to quit, I can. As long as I get another job. The wedding is going to be pretty expensive and we're saving for a deposit. I can't ask him to support me when I have a perfectly good job...' Laura trailed off.
'But?' There had to be a but if she was thinking only a few days more.
'But I feel like a bad fiancée! I’m never around and I don't want to be a bad wife. I don't think I'm cut out for recruitment, this isn't what I want to do and I'm not sure it's worth it. Besides, I feel like I could get fired in my one-to-one today. Especially after taking another lunch break.' She sighed.
'Is Jen still riding you about that?' Jen liked to comment on our friendship to Laura.
'Just the usual. I need to focus on me and my work, spend less time with you. Our lunch breaks are making for bad moral in the office. Jamie is getting upset that I take time away from the desk.' Laura ticked off the reasons Jen thought we shouldn’t be friends on her fingers.
‘So nothing new then.’
‘Nope. But I don’t know if it was a good idea to take an hour on the day of my one-to-one meeting. I think it riles her up.’
‘But you’re legally entitled to it. She can’t tell you not to take your lunch break.’
‘I know and she’s careful about how she says it but it’s hard to mistake her meaning.’
I didn’t envy Laura’s one-to-one. Luckily mine wasn’t until tomorrow and I knew I would have some good numbers to distract Jen with. It also helped that my team leader attended my meetings with Jen, a buffer I knew Laura wished she had.
'Are you on target this week?' I asked.
'No.' Laura said glumly. It was a recurring problem that she worked hard to fix but the target she was on was unrealistic for her business. We were on the same target and I was set to exceed mine with the whole Midlothian Council contract I had whereas she had a few clients who had signed contracts but never used People Solutions for temps. The new business she was working on would take a minimum of three months to come through and potential clients in the pipeline meant very little to Jen who needed results to prove herself worthy of managing three teams.
'Are you making more than last week?' I asked as we got to the end of the park and turned around to head back the way we'd come. We usually managed two or three laps during our lunch break depending on how frustrating the day had been. Laura had a tendency to walk quickly and punctuate her venting with wild gesticulations when it had been a particularly bad morning.
'Yes-' Laura responded.
'That's great!' I said, 'then your meeting shouldn't be too bad. I mean if there's an increase than surely that's all she can ask of you!'
'Well yes, there was an increase but it was by eight pounds.'
'Oh.' Eight pounds wasn't very much of an increase at all.
'There was one more shift this week. And two of my temps are due to finish as well.'
'Is it a new client at least?' Laura loved getting a new client or even an old client who’d stopped using People Solutions to give her a shift. If she'd managed to get a shift out of a new client, maybe Jen would focus on that instead.
'No, one that uses us infrequently but definitely one that's used us before.'
'Not going to be a good day then.'
'Nope.'
'So shall we hand our notice in next week?' I asked brightly, trying to cheer her up.
'Please!'
Laura watched the time carefully, never wanting to take a full hour. She cared more than I did. They would be angry and pissy with us if we'd take a half hour let alone the full hour so I wasn't very concerned with their reactions. There was little they could do about it and I more than made up for it by being the first one in the office, sometimes the last one out and in every weekend whether or not I was on-call. Laura was less interested in kowtowing to their love of unpaid overtime and was almost fanatical about keeping to her contracted hours. The salary, even with the commission scheme, was nothing to boast about and she didn't feel it was worth it to stay late when it took her an hour to get home to her fiancé.
When we got back to the office, we both sat down right away and started working. It was best to be busy when at your desk. In the open plan room, everyone knew everyone's business and it was noted if you were seen to be slacking. Jen could see my computer from her desk and I knew she watched me carefully so I never gave her any reason to comment on my work ethic since she was easily provoked. There was always more work to be done, more vacancies to fill and clients to chase up about their needs for the next week. At a temp desk, I worked on weekly and daily shifts as opposed to more permanent work and getting jobs filled took most of my time because of the shortage of good temps.
Angus was working away at his own desk, trying to balance all the contracts he was now dealing with after Lee had left the company for a job in South America. With just two of us on a four person desk, Angus was stressed trying to juggle all of his responsibilities. I knew better than to interrupt him unless it was really important.
When I made it home that night the door was unlocked and I knew Will must have been able to leave on time. Luckily for him, accountancy was one of those jobs where it was possible to be home at a reasonable hour and his bosses didn't think that overtime was something you were supposed to do regularly. I could smell fish cooking in the oven. Another thing I loved about my boyfriend. He didn't mind making dinner if I was home later than him and it was a household of mostly evenly split chores.
'Hi! How you doing?' Will said, poking his head around the door for a quick kiss. 'Dinner's almost ready; what do you want to drink?'
'Hey, I'm good thanks. How was your day?' I asked, hanging up my coat. When I turned around he had already disappeared back into the kitchen.
'I can't hear you!' He called from in front of the stove.
'How was your day?' I asked, pulling on my slippers in the living room before joining him in the kitchen.
'Nothing special. Finished another project for Diana and she's going to review it for me tomorrow.' I snugged my arms around his waist and leaned against his back. Over eight inches taller than me, Will was the perfect height for cuddling. 'I've got vegetables and potatoes to go with the fish, is that ok?' He asked as he stirred the pot.
'Too late if it isn't!' I joked, peering around him. 'No, that's fine. Thanks for making dinner.'
'No worries. I thought you might be home a bit later tonight. Still on-call?'
'Yea, last night though. I'll be thrilled to give the damn thing to Angus tomorrow. Finally a weekend off!'
'You must be pretty excited. Does this mean I can't golf on Saturday?' Will pouted. The weekends I was on-call it was safer if he left the house and let me try to deal with the calls by myself. On-call weekends were worse than work days as I fielded emergencies all day long, trying to fill jobs and stem the flow of healthcare needs from my clients without my database at hand. People Solutions was unwilling to allow their consultants to have remote access and the paper print outs of my vacancies, temps and phone numbers was almost impossible to work from. I often spent the weekends in the office where I could work quicker and easier. It didn't hurt than Jen was starting to comment on my dedication. I was a people pleaser and I couldn't help it.
'I suppose you can golf if you want. It'll give me a day to myself which I could use.' I smirked.
'A day to yourself?! You don't want to spend some quality time with your loving boyfriend?' Will squawked, feigning outrage.
'Well, I know how much my loving boyfriend loves to play golf and he secretly enjoys the weekends I'm on-call. Besides, I might need to go into the office this Saturday to clear up some loose ends for next week. I don't know how many of Monday’s vacancies I'll be able to fill tomorrow when there's still a lot to come on for the weekend and I don't want Angus to have to deal with my clients on-call as well as his.'
'Ava Lafferty, you're always in the office. Can't you take one weekend off?' Will sighed as he turned off the burner. I stepped away from him and leaned against the counter to watch him drain the vegetables.
‘William McGill' I mocked with an echo. ‘I could take a weekend off if I didn't have work that needed doing. And you'll be golfing anyway.'
'I know I'll be golfing anyway but I just don't think it helps your stress levels when you're at work on the first day off in two weeks. You need time to relax. Why don't you visit Laura or see Sarah?'
'I'll be relaxed just knowing I don't have the on-call phone. I'll probably only go in for an hour or two.'
'It's never just an hour or two.'
'It could be this time.' I said. I knew he was right and I was constantly stressed about my job. What I didn't want to tell him was that I didn't have anyone to spend any time with. Laura spent the weekends planning her wedding and Sarah, my only university friend who had stayed in the area was glued to her new boyfriend and refusing to answer my calls. Will hated that I didn't have many friends but I wasn't sure how one made friends outside of education. No one at work was friend material and I did very little outside of work since I had gotten my job. Will was the only person I spent any time with, something he hated to be reminded of.
'I just don't want you overworking. And what about your drawing? Don't you want to do some of that this weekend?' Even though William didn't understand my hobby or know about my secret dream to become an illustrator, he tried to be supportive of my interests anyway.
'Yea, I suppose. I can fit that in around going to the office though.'
'You don't draw as much as you used to.' He commented. I fished out some plates for him to pour the vegetables and potatoes on while we waited the last couple of seconds for the oven timer to go off.
'I don't have as much time as I used to.' I pointed out. I had done a lot of drawing in the months after graduation while I fretted about being unemployed and securing my extension visa. It was one of the ways I coped with having very little to do while William was at work. He'd started almost as soon as we moved into our new flat in Stockbridge while I sat at home, wondering what to do with my large amounts of free time. With an art store nearby and some left over funds from University it became easy to occupy myself and Will soon learned to cope with our kitchen table being covered in drying papers, paintbrushes and inks. He even bought a lovely tablecloth to discourage me spilling my ink pots on the white table. Since I'd started working however, my time at the kitchen table dwindled to a few hours on a Saturday and the papers were eventually cleared away and the brushes gathering dust on top of our TV.
'You could have more time if you worked less.' Will pointed out. The oven timer interrupted our conversation and I was almost relieved to take the plates out to the table while he brought through the utensils and a glass of water for himself.
Our dinners were usually pretty quiet unless I had something to say. After my conversation with Laura at lunch and then again with Will just now, I had plenty to think about. My mind was often consumed with thoughts about People Solution and the quality of life I enjoyed since my promotion. While it was nice to be working full time at a job that held variety and my interest, I wasn't so sure how I felt about having nothing else in my life. My time with Will was short and we didn't see each other as much as I'd hoped we would once we were living together. If we hadn't moved in together we might have only seen each other once a week on a Sunday, a thought I didn't want to examine too closely. Maybe work was becoming too important or at least too consuming. On the other hand, my family was proud that I was making my major life decision to stay in Edinburgh work. I had a decent graduate job with decent prospects and a salary. I was good at it and my relationship with Will had only suffered minorly as far as I could see.
There weren't many other jobs that I was qualified for. I didn't have the mathematical abilities to get myself a job in finance, where the rest of my family worked, and there wasn't anything I could think of in the corporate world that would suit me any more than recruitment did. I just didn't see where I could go if I left People Solutions. My brief stint as unemployed hadn't really endeared me to that way of life and the financial fears were more than enough to keep me plugging away at my job.
I was still thinking the same thoughts in bed later that night. Will was still awake in the living room but we went to bed at different times because I needed more sleep than he did. It wasn't ideal and wasn't what I thought we would be doing once we lived together but there wasn't much for it. The few times I'd tried to stay awake until he was tired, I couldn't get out of bed in the morning and regretted it all day at work. I needed to be alert and well-rested for my job with the amount of cattiness and back-stabbing that went on. It was tiring enough being awake with your mind buzzing with all the tasks for the day without working in a snake pit.
Chapter 2
'Still thinking next week?' I asked Laura on our lunch time walk.
'I don't know...surely we can stick it out another month after this! I just don't know what's a good length of time for a job on your CV.'
'Anything over a year must look ok. But what would you do if you quit? You couldn't interview while you were still working. Could you imagine if Jen found out!' People had successfully found other employment while still working at People Solutions so that they had a nice job lined up for them when they could finally walk away but no one with Jen as a manager had done it. She would have been able to sniff out an interview or a person's declining interest in their job in a heartbeat. And then Laura would really have to worry about being fired.
'No, I know I couldn't interview while I'm still here. Maybe I'll go back to grad school. I'm not sure but I don't know if it matters anymore. Sometimes I feel like I should just walk away and deal with the consequences later.'
'That bad a morning?' I asked, sympathetically. I had seen Jen pull Laura and Jamie in for a meeting not long after the day had kicked off. I tried to restrain my curiosity but it was hard and I hoped she wouldn't mind me prying now.
'You wouldn't believe the meeting I had! Remember how I told Jen that Jamie hadn't given me half the business and she said she was going to sort it out?'
That had happened a week ago and we both couldn't believe how nice Jen had been about it. It sounded like we'd gotten our hopes up too soon. If only Jamie had split the business in half Laura wouldn't struggle quite so much to meet her targets and she might not be stressing so much about keeping her job.
'Of course I remember. Please don't tell me you got in trouble for it.' Jen loved to tell her new staff how important it was that she, as the manager, was there for our problems. So far, she'd used any problems we might have had to manipulate us and instill an even greater fear of being fired. Up until recently, Laura had still believed that Jen was going to do right by her employees.
‘Well not exactly. But she brought Jamie in and Jamie twisted it all around! She made a list up of all our clients and I do have half of them but the half that only use us once a year, once a month or have never used us at all! I don’t have a single client that regularly uses us. The most shifts I’ve ever had on is 12 and that was for an event.’
‘So what happened?’ Jamie was a mastermind at making things work out in her favour. Despite being extremely unprofessional from her casual manner on the phone to the hooker shoes she wore, Jamie was Jen’s little pet. It made no sense because Jamie cut corners and everyone but Jen was waiting for the fallout. Even after Jamie’s holiday debacle where she left for a long weekend and the whole office worked feverishly to sort out her database and complete her jobs Jen still refused to rebuke her. With two big clients on their way out the door due to mistake after mistake, Laura was taking the hit while Jamie protested her innocence and her disappointment that Laura didn't bother to cover her desk for her while she was taking a well-deserved holiday.
Angus and I seethed while Jamie got off lightly and Laura got in trouble. I'd sacrificed a whole weekend to help Laura try to sort out Jamie's mess and Jen professed she had too when in reality she had swanned off at four on the Friday and not a word was heard from her until nine o’clock on the Monday morning. She was the only one who was allowed to fudge her contract hours and to shape them to suit her.
'Well you know how they are together. Jen spent the rest of the time telling me how I should be more like Jamie and that she needed to start seeing some results. I wouldn't have minded quite so much except that Jamie was sitting there gloating.'
'That's ridiculous.'
'I know. And she's even started telling me I need to be more like you because you're so dedicated you come in every weekend. I don't want to have to tell her that there's no way I'm wasting a weekend in the office. I’ve never heard that she’s been in on the weekends. It wouldn't do much for my figures anyway.'
'Wow, she must be scraping the barrel if she's starting to say things like that. We all know how much she loves me.' I said sarcastically. This was the first I’d heard of Jen trying to use me as an example to shame someone. It was one of her favourite tactics.
'I know. she's so fickle and manipulative. I don't think I would have survived quite this long if it wasn't for you.'
'Me either, Laura. I feel like maybe this promotion wasn't such a good thing. It wasn't amazing being a researcher but at least it was tolerable!'
'Does that mean you'll be quitting soon? Or at least asking for a demotion?' Laura chuckled but it wasn't actually that bad of an idea.
'Would it reflect really badly on me if I did want a demotion?' I asked wistfully.
'Probably. But if you were happier, would that be so bad?'
'I don’t know anymore. I'm mostly joking, I think. I hate going backwards. Maybe they'll fire both of us soon and we won't have to decide at all.'
'You never know. Would you quit if I wasn't there any longer?' Laura asked.
'Probably. I don't know how long I could last there without you. Especially if you'd been fired! How could I stand that? After everything Jen has put us through?'
'I know what you mean. What would you do if you quit?' She asked as we turned around to head back through the gardens on our last lap.
'I'm not sure. Probably freak out.'
'Would you try recruitment elsewhere?'
'I don't think so. I know there must be nice companies out there but I feel like People Solutions has ruined it for me.'
'Me too. But you're doing pretty well. Would you want to give that up?'
'It's not really what I saw myself doing, if I'm being totally honest. If I could do anything I would be an illustrator.'
'Really! Well, why don't you do that?' Laura asked. She sounded excited for me but it wasn't something I'd ever contemplated except in the abstract.
'I don't have an art degree or the money to get one or even the skills I don't think. It's also really hard to make money at it. I don't have enough to live on while I try to make that work.'
'If you don't do it now while you don't have any responsibilities then you might never get around to it.' Laura said.
'I know but it's a scary thing to decide. And while I have this job it seems silly to give up a salary for an intangible dream.'
'You might not always feel that way.'
'Maybe not.'
We finished our circuit and headed back to the office. We spoke about her wedding plans and I got caught up on her family drama and soon we were back at our desks, plugging back into the work life. Though I hadn't wanted to tell her, my one-to-one's were getting better now that Jen had started to see how good my results were. She only casually slighted me throughout the meetings and hadn't been outright mean in weeks. I wasn't sure if that was Angus' presence or she’d decided that I wasn't such a bad employee after all. The first couple of one-to-ones had been miserable where she questioned my work ethic, my abilities and even insinuated that she wasn't best pleased having an American on her team. But once I had mentioned to Angus how hard I was finding the one-to-one's he'd confessed that she wasn't even supposed to be having them with me. As my team leader, it was part of Angus's job to oversee my one-to-one's especially since Jen ran a permanent desk and didn't understand how a temporary one worked. And as of two months ago he'd raised a stir over not being allowed in our meetings and Jen reluctantly allowed him to sit in. Eventually, he told me, her interest would wane and it would be just the two of us. I could hardly wait.
'Did you get my email, Ava?' Angus asked, popping his head up over his computer. We sat facing each other and it made conversing easy.
'Yea. I have all my reports ready except for tallying up my KPI's.' I responded. My weekly performance indicators had stopped being a problem my second week as a consultant. Before he'd left, Lee gave me some invaluable advice to meeting my business development calls and if my client meetings were low, I had time to make them up and all Jen really cared about was the revenue I was bringing in.
'Ok, finish those up and get everything printed out. I want to speak to you before the one-to-one.' My eyebrows shot up and I could feel my heart starting to palpitate. Was I going to be fired? Had I done something wrong? I looked over at Laura who sat next to Angus. She'd heard every word and the look on her face said she was worried too. What could he want to speak to me about?
'I'm almost done.' I responded faintly. Our database would tell me my candidate and client call numbers with a few clicks and all I had to do was enter them into my weekly report. I could feel my palms starting to sweat. Surely they weren't going to fire me. My figures had never been so high and even Angus said that Lee hadn't done as well with the Midlothian Council contract. They were using us more than they ever had before and it looked like I might meet my target on that contract alone. My walk from the printer to the meeting room was both too long and too short.
Angus followed behind me so I only had a few seconds to compose myself before he sat down at the table next to me. His face gave nothing away and he looked extremely serious. I sat and stared at him, wondering what he was going to say.
When I couldn't bear the silence any longer I blurted out what I was thinking. 'I'm not being fired am I?' Angus stared at me and his mouth open and shut a few times before he found his voice.
'No, of course not. Why would you think you were being fired?' He asked, bewildered.
'I don't know, you had this ominous tone in your voice. Why else would you want to talk to me alone? You must be breaking some sort of bad news to me!'
'Well...there is some bad news.' I closed my eyes. What could it be? 'Ava...'
'Yes?' I wanted him to just spit it out.
'Laura handed in her notice this morning.' I stared at him. Did he mean-?
'She quit?' I asked. But I'd just spoken to her at lunch and she never even mentioned it. I didn't want to tell Angus that. He probably already thought we spent lunch times moaning about work but he didn't need confirmation. I know Jen had hinted her opinions about what went on in our lunch breaks to Laura.
'Yes, this morning. In her meeting with Jen and Jamie. Jen asked that she not say anything to you until I had a chance to speak to you.'
I felt shell-shocked. We spoke about quitting every day since our promotion to consultant but I didn't think either of us really ever meant it. I certainly thought I might get a little more warning if she was about to do something as drastic as handing in her notice.
'Are you surprised?' Angus asked.
'Yes!'
'Really? You don't seem very surprised.'
'I am. I cannot believe. How did I not know she was going to quit!'
'She wasn't allowed to tell you.' Angus said again.
'I know but I thought she might have told me she was thinking about it.'
'So how are you feeling about this? Is it going to affect your work at all? I know you two are very close.' Angus said with a touch of condescension. He wasn't the type to make close friends. He liked everyone to like him but that was more about his pride than anything else. He hated Jamie with a passion but you'd never know except to hear him talk about her when she wasn't around. It made me worried that he only pretended to like me too. But as long as he was nice to my face there wasn't much I could do.
'It won't affect my work but it'll take some adjusting.'
My one-to-one with Jen was a blur. I couldn't focus on my figures or her blathering about Laura's decision to leave the company. She was trying to make it seem like not a big deal but I was hoping that eventually her loss of staff would make someone start to take notice. Laura would be her fourth person to leave since she'd been made manager of the three teams a month before Laura and I started as consultants.
Laura was waiting for me outside the door to the office. I'd left quite early, hoping to catch her. As soon as she saw me she started babbling.
‘Ava! I am so sorry! I couldn’t stand seeing your face after Angus told you!’
I interrupted. ‘It’s fine Laura, they told me you weren’t allowed to let me know.’
‘I would have, I totally would have except that Jen specifically said not to say anything to you. She said she wanted it to be a professional thing and not a friendship thing. I really wanted to tell you. It was so hard at lunch time not to say anything!' Laura blurted out, looking nervously at my face for signs that I was angry with her.
I was surprised but I understood that she didn't feel like she could tell me. Even after having quit, the fear of Jen was real. Now I just wanted to know why she quit with absolutely no warning.
'But why?' I asked.
'Well it's just not working out. I can't stand the demands on my time, the pressure and the constant fear that they'll fire me.'
'What are you going to do?' I was curious to see what her plan was. We'd talked about how it would be nicer to even work in a bookshop than it was to make more money and be at People Solutions. Originally Laura had disagreed, she said she wasn't sure it would be any nicer to make less money and do a dull job but after a couple weeks as a recruitment consultant she had come around to my way of thinking. But was she really going to work in a shop after her desire to be a teacher and her career in recruitment?
'I don't know what I'm going to do just now. But after speaking to Douglas, we've agreed I can't just keep working here. It was a sudden decision but not a surprise if you know what I mean.' I did know what she meant. If I just woke up one day and decided I needed to quit then it would be sudden but not a surprise considering how long I'd fantasized about quitting.
'Yea, I know what you mean. I'm so surprised though! We just spoke about it yesterday and it seemed like you were determined to keep going.'
'I was but when I got home, drained, irritable and fed up, Douglas and I had a long chat. I'm really affecting him with my moods and my stress. And this morning I woke up for the first time since I've started working here happy and not angry and frustrated that I had to go to work. You don't know how amazing that felt. Already I feel like I'm waking up from a bad dream. I didn't realize how miserable I was!'
Hearing her speak about it made me jealous. Her fiancé worked as a computer engineer and made enough that he could support her if they were frugal. I knew she was saving for the wedding and for a deposit but realistically she didn't need to find a job right away. Will and I weren't at the sort of place in our relationship that one of us would ever foot the bills for the other. Maybe small bills but he wasn't about to pay my rent because I didn't like my job.
'Wow, so you sound pretty happy with your decision.' I said as we headed down Shandwick Place.
'I am. I don't know what I'm going to do next but it doesn't matter because I'm done with this place!'
'How am I going to cope without you there!?' I asked, suddenly realizing the implications for me. It was going to be even harder because Angus and I would probably have to take on some of the hospitality work. I really wasn't willing to help Jamie out. She had brought this on herself by making Laura miserable. Jamie wasn't ever particularly friendly with other women but she made an effort to be nasty to Laura. I knew she was worried because Laura would have made a great recruitment consultant given half a chance and eventually Jamie would start to look bad. Even so there was a new reason to dread going to work. At least I had the weekend to adjust myself to the idea.
'You'll be fine. You can always quit too you know!' Laura said, her face lighting up at the thought. ‘Then we could find another job together!'
'Can you imagine if I quit just after you?' It would be miserable for the time I had left. 'Wait, are you working out your notice?' Often People Solutions didn't require consultants to work their week's notice but suddenly and, I had to admit, selfishly, I hoped Laura would have to. Her shoulders slumped at my question.
'Yea. Jen said I have to finish out next week.’
‘Well I’m glad you can’t just leave and that’s it!’ I was very relieved. It was a shock to be losing my one friend. I knew I wouldn’t see her nearly so much once she left People Solutions.
‘I suppose at least that makes one of us.’ She replied with a pout.
‘Surely you expected to work your notice. I know Jamie’s only had you on her desk for a couple of months but she’ll still need to adjust to you leaving. Oh my goodness! How did she react?’ I asked. I couldn’t believe I’d just thought to ask now. I wondered if Jamie was pleased. It seemed as if she’d been trying to get Laura fired since she started.
‘She seemed really surprised actually. Almost like she hadn’t expected me to go anywhere. I don’t know how though, she’s certainly done her best to make sure I didn’t want to stay very long.’
‘Oh well, so now you’re out! I can’t believe it. I really can’t.’
‘Me either!’ Her grin was threatening to take over her face. I envied Laura happiness and her freedom. Even though she didn’t have a job or any idea what the future held she was elated. I was never completely happy with the choices I made. Indecisiveness plagued me and decisions were made after agonizing amounts of thinking and weighing up the pros and cons. Even when I’d decided on a course of action I was worried I’d regret it. If only it was as simple for me as it seemed to be for Laura.
Chapter 3
‘Will! You will not believe what happened at work today!’ I was waiting for him at the door, so excited to tell him my news. Someday I hoped to surprise him.
‘Did you get fired?’ He asked wryly.
‘No! Don’t even joke!’ I said, helping him take off his coat.
‘What is it then?’
‘Laura quit!’ I said, waiting to see what his response would be.
‘Well, good for her.’ His staid reaction deflated my enthusiasm.
‘What do you mean, good for her?’
‘She hated it there. She probably made the right decision to quit if she was miserable.’
‘But she has no job to go to!’
‘So? You didn’t have a job when you moved here.’ Will pointed out as he toed off his shoes and opened his arms for a cuddle.
‘I know and hated every second of it.’ I said as I burrowed into his chest.
‘She probably isn’t as much of a worrier as you are.’
‘Probably not but then she has a fiancé who’s willing to support her.’ I hated myself as soon as I said it. It was silent for a heartbeat or two but his hold didn’t slacken and I let out my breath, hoping he wouldn’t take it the way it sounded.
‘Then she’ll be fine, won’t she.’ He finally said. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. There were still some things we didn’t talk about. He let me loose after another few seconds and headed through the hallway to the living room and the kitchen beyond.
‘Now what shall we have for dinner?’ He asked to the open fridge door.
My heart started beating normally again as he changed the topic. I followed him through, glad that we weren’t going to have an argument.
‘We could make a Spanish omelet.’ I suggested. Making dinner together was always a productive and easy way to spend time with each other. Between my hours and my weeks on-call we weren’t seeing as much of each other as I could hope for.
‘Sounds like a plan.’ Will said. We started gathering the ingredients as I continued thinking about Laura and her sudden decision to quit a permanent and semi-secure job.
‘I just can’t believe that I won’t be seeing Laura every day after next week. She’s having to work out her notice, you know.’ I said, bringing it up again to see what he had to say. Will was slicing the potatoes I was washing. He hated chopping the onions and because I preferred him to stay in the kitchen with me and help, I would do them while he occupied himself with slicing the potatoes as thinly as he could.
‘I’m sure you’ll adjust.’ Will addressed my opening sally before turning to the business point I’d mistakenly brought up. ‘She should work out her notice. Any sane company would require her to.’
‘Lee didn’t have to work his. They told him to just go home a day after he quit!’
‘Well you told me he was gossiping about the company and the staff. There’s no reason to have a negative influence hanging around like that.’
‘I know, but it just doesn’t seem fair.’ He wasn’t responding with the indignation I’d hoped for.
‘I don’t know what you want me to say. That’s enough potatoes, I have a small mountain here!’ He grinned, pulling me away from the sink where I was rinsing. I’d gotten carried away with our discussion.
‘Sorry.’ I grabbed another chopping board and started on the onions, trying not to wipe my weeping eyes.
‘Really you’re just bringing this up again because you want to know if you should quit.’ Will said. He was spot on but I didn’t want to admit it. My indecisiveness flared up every time I thought about it and he was being no help. As an unmarried couple, Will was a firm believer in me living my own life and thought that my life decisions were just that, mine. No matter how I pushed him, trying to get him to see my side, that my decisions affected our relationship, he refused to budge. A usually easy going person, Will had a stubborn streak that rivaled and often defeated my own.
‘Of course that’s why I’m bringing it up.’ Maybe an upfront admittance was enough of a new tactic that he might cave and actually offer his opinion on the subject.
‘My thoughts on the matter stand. If you hate it that much then just quit. If you aren’t sure than stick it out. I can’t tell you what to do.’ I should have known better. Nothing was going to make him change his tune.
‘I know you can’t tell me what to do but I’d sure like your thoughts on it.’ I was sulking and I couldn’t stop it. I wanted someone to tell me what to do but no one was willing to, not even my opinionated mother.
‘I just gave you my thoughts. I don’t know what else you’re looking for.’ Will said, still slicing away at the potatoes. I turned on the stovetop, added a pan, a dash of oil and the onions which were helpfully disguising my frustrated tears. Even though this was my weekend off call, I could feel the stress rising. Weekends were no longer something to look forward to and with Will going away to golf every Saturday, I disliked them even more. What he didn’t realize is that on my weekends off, I went to the office because I hated sitting at home by myself, waiting for him to come home. A workaholic was less depressing and pathetic than the girl I really was.
‘I want you to say if you think I should quit or you think I should keep the job.’ I snapped. I diced garlic with the kitchen penknife and threw that in the pan as well.
‘Well I’m not going to tell you what to do no matter how you phrase it. But since you’re determined to get something out of me, I think you should keep the job. You don’t have any idea what else you would do and you talk about drawing but you rarely draw at all. Until you have something better to move on to I think it’s a silly idea to quit.’ Will said forcefully as he sliced the potatoes. His own frustration was beginning to show. I gave the pan a quick stir and then left the kitchen under the pretense of washing my hands.
I stood in the bathroom with my hands on the lip of the sink. I certainly wasn’t looking my best. The onion eyes didn’t help. No wonder William was frustrated with me. I was a wreck and it was probably as fun to hear me talking as it was to hear my thoughts running circles. I was on repeat. I gave myself a mental shake, washed my hands, dried my eyes and fixed my makeup. A smile in the mirror convinced me I was looking better, and feeling marginally better as well. It was my weekend off call, I didn’t have to work tomorrow if I didn’t want to and I didn’t need to make any decisions right now.
Will looked up from the potatoes when he heard me come back in.
‘Ok?’ He asked, reaching out to touch my chin. I nodded and smiled. It didn’t feel forced at all.
‘How are you getting on with those potatoes?’ I asked, looking over his shoulder.
‘Almost done, though I’m starting to worry about the onions burning.’ He replied.
‘Oh!’ I had forgotten them. I quickly turned down the heat and gave them a vigorous stir. Adding more oil so they didn’t get too crisp, I laughed. ‘Crisis averted!’
‘Excellent. I’d hate for you to have to chop more inions.’ He teased.
‘I have enough time to chop the rest of the bag. You are the slowest potato slicer ever. Next time we’re switching jobs.’ I started adding the slices to the pan, impatient to get the dinner cooking.
‘I’m going at just the right pace. You’re too impatient.’ I had the feeling he wasn’t just talking about the potatoes.