THE LEGEND OF THE LARGE-PENISED WHITE MALE
EL MUY LORENZO
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Smashwords Edition
COPYRIGHT 2012 EL MUY LORENZO
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
CHAPTER 1 The Origin of the Large-Penised White Male
CHAPTER 2 The Large-Penised White Male is inserted into society
CHAPTER 4 The mind of El Muy Lorenzo
CHAPTER 6 The Department of Shitology at U-TRASH
CHAPTER 7 Coming of age in the Department of Shitology
CHAPTER 8 Who is this Large-Penised White Male and why was he really sent to us from outer space?
CHAPTER 10 Lorenzo’s further decline
CHAPTER 11 The demise of Shitsteak
EPILOGUE Lorenzo’s unfinished cantos
INTRODUCTION
The story that you are about to hear is entirely fictitious. It is based mostly on the conversations of a fictional character, whom we shall call El Muy Lorenzo, and his psychiatrist, Dr. Shitsteak. Lorenzo believes that he is not descended from the apes, but, instead, that he has come to us from outer space. Furthermore, Lorenzo believes that he is The Large-Penised White Male. Shitsteak believes that Lorenzo is totally psychotic. Furthermore, Shitsteak believes that Lorenzo’s preoccupation with his penis and what he does with it (or constantly thinks about doing with it), particularly with respect to females between approximately 19 and 55 years-of-age, indicates that he is an obsessional sexual predator against whom society must be shielded and protected. Lorenzo’s preoccupation with doody and wee wee also indicate to Shitsteak that Lorenzo’s mutterings and behavior are the product of infantile fixations and a mind that is warped far beyond the possibilities of repair. Recent research, with which Shitsteak is intimately familiar, clearly shows that mental structures like Lorenzo’s are not the products of developmental stages missed due to the unfortunate vagarities of life. Rather, they are genetically-determined defective asocial personalities embedded in bodies that must be subordinated, contained and triumphed over by the intellectual, moral and spiritual guardians of society—by natural leaders like Shitsteak and others who have achieved positions of authority and influence.
Again, this story and all of the characters that it contains are make believe. It is presented to the reader solely for the purpose of illustrating the depravity of some of those who live among us. It is hoped that the readers of this missive, as members of society, will be moved to action and will place limits on the heinous acts of these deviant individuals—for the fuller benefit of harmonious social intercourse among all persons.
Our story begins with a brief review of what we actually know of Lorenzo’s origins and how he first came to believe that he was the Large-Penised White Male. What then follows is the story of Lorenzo’s insertion into society and the many conflicts engendered by the clash between his deviant personality and traditional social norms—as embodied in various authority figures and other bulkwards of society encountered by Lorenzo in his excursion through life. These issues are then played out more fully in the final chapters.
In relating this sad story to you, we must emphasize and re-emphasize the fact that the characters and places put before you, the reader, are entirely fictitious and in no way do they represent real persons and places. Life is frequently more bizarre than art, so that some among you may believe that you see parallels here with people and places whom, and that, are known to you from your experiences. However, the delusional and totally psychotic depravity uncovered here by the estimable Dr. Shitsteak in the person of El Muy Lorenzo is far beyond the normal range of human behavioral variation. Lorenzo, his belief that he is The Large-Penised White Male, and his psychotically distorted view of people and of social process are concocted fantasy, and have no relevance whatsoever in addressing salient aspects of our social reality. Shitsteak, himself, is certain of this! Nevertheless, despite Shitsteak’s unquestioned erudition, it is ultimately the responsibility of you, the reader, to carefully weigh the evidence of Lorenzo’s claims about persons and events and the counter claims of his many detractors.
Let us now proceed with the substance of this bizarre tale.
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CHAPTER 1
THE ORIGIN OF THE LARGE-PENISED WHITE MALE
It is now generally believed by those who have studied this matter carefully that The Large-Penised White Male probably did descend from the heavens like a meteor and that this took place somewhere near the island of Ceylon, perhaps near the western coast. All evidence points in this direction, and our analysis shall follow a strictly empirical approach uninfluenced by passion or by dogma. What is certain is that the youth, who was called El Muy Lorenzo, who later concluded that he is The Large-Penised White Male, appeared at sea somewhere near the western coast of Ceylon. How he actually got there has not been empirically determined, although there were some reports that he descended like a meteor. But, what an appearance it was! There had been bright flashes in the sky, although the day was clear, but there were no witnesses or photographs of his descent. What was recorded, however, were the testimonies of the young maidens who first saw him and who quickly took him in among them.
The empirical evidence upon which we draw for this first appearance, or coming, of The Large-Penised White Male is this sample of testimonies taken from the maidens. The sample of maidens whose testimonies we recorded were carefully stratified in the following manner: by age; by their physical position on the beach at the time of the first sighting; by their social status within the virginal society to which the maidens belonged; and by the estimation, by each maiden, of the number of times that she had ultimately copulated with Lorenzo. It was extremely important that we not procure a sample of predominantly high, or low, copulators, as this may have biased their first estimation of what was to later become Lorenzo’s most noticeable feature.
Two empirical facts emerge from this stratified sample of testimonies. First, the youth, who was approximately 18 years of age, was initially noticed floating at a distance of approximately 200 metres off-shore, apparently on his back. The second, and more rivetingly established, fact was that he had what was uniformly described as a mast, at least two yards, or metres, in length, ascending from approximately the middle of the ventral portion of his body. More riveting still was the uniform observation, later confirmed by closer, hands-on, inspection that this mast was indeed an enormous penis rooted in its proper place in his anatomy and capped by what could only be called a normally shaped tip of gigantic proportions. The youth lay flat upon the water with arms and legs spread apart (as one would if one were to float at sea for a prolonged period of time) topped by this massive post to which was attached, in a very tentative manner as though it were assembled in great haste, a sail made up of a bright green plastic-like material that appeared to be a portion of the vehicle in which he arrived.
Of the above, the stratified sample of maidens was totally assured. What was less certain was what transpired when this sea-borne youth was beached by the currents. It seems clear that his speech and manner showed great confusion. This was obvious, despite the strange language which he spoke. It is also clear that the maidens held his enormous penis in awe as they gently removed its improvised jib while the youth lay exhausted on the sand. What is less clear is the magical powers of attraction the enormous penis seemed to have for the maidens and how this previously vestal group, that had devoted their lives to music and song and the worship of nature and the service of the gods, was transformed by this enormous post-like appendage that seemed to have an existence that was independent from the exhausted, shy and somewhat bewildered youth to which it was attached.
Precise memory of the events which followed seems to have been lost, owing to the ensuing excitement, among our stratified sample. What is clear, however, was that the 32 maidens quickly constructed a scaffolding around the supine youth and his protruding part, and that by squatting on the walkway that straddled the tip and distal portion of his perpetually erect penis they were able to thrust themselves down upon the bulbous end. This gave them great pleasure and produced, from the tip, copious amounts of an aromatic fluid that seemed to be at a considerably elevated temperature and which resembled mud in its consistency. It was also reported, but not in a particularly clear manner, that after a period of perhaps six months in the presence of (or under the influence of) the maidens, the enormous penis apparently condensed and decreased in size to somewhat over 50 inches in length. Although still enormous by most standards, the youth who, when he learned to speak, said that his name was El Muy Lorenzo, was now able to employ his gift without the aid of scaffolding—much to his own merriment and the more varied pleasures of the maidens. It is with his assumption of more normal dimensions that the youth, through forces unbeknownst to him, felt impelled to venture into the broader world.
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CHAPTER 2
THE LARGE-PENISED WHITE MALE IS INSERTED INTO SOCIETY
Very little indeed is known of the early years of The Large-Penised White Male’s life on Earth. One problem seems to be the lack of an appropriate stratified sample to provide a source of data on the subject. However, it is relatively clear that after learning the English language and becoming generally acculturated to human life ways, Lorenzo traveled, or was transported, to the Pnited Ptates—to the mid-central portion of the country. There, he was apparently adopted or taken into a family (that of Linnie and Porris), had a younger brother (Cetu), was sent to college, and then chose to go on to graduate school in shitology at a major research institution. Lorenzo’s first academic position was as Assistant Professor of Shitology at the University of Trashatwoshits (U-TRASH), not too far from his adoptive home in the mid-central portion of the country.
We must stress the fact that Lorenzo viewed himself as a normal Earthling. He only had the barest recollections of his adaptation to life on Earth at the hands of the appreciative maidens—in terms of both his acquisition of Earthling culture and the physical fine tuning that he underwent to become better adjusted to human social intercourse. After acquiring the basic rudiments of human sexuality from the stratified sample of maidens and their sisters who were not part of the sample, Lorenzo entered a period of sexual quiescence. He had no realization that he was a probe sent to us from a far off world as a describer, or ethnographer, of the life ways of the dominant earthling social form. Unfortunately, or fortunately, or interestingly, Lorenzo was destined to become The Large-Penised White Male due to some minor miscalculations by his designers that were beyond fine tuning.
Little, or very little, is known of Lorenzo’s life with Linnie and Porris and Cetu. Apparently, they were members of the Pewish faith, and culturally Lorenzo had this identification, although he did not acquire strong, or any, religious beliefs. He was athletic, but not overly so. He was shy and a bit unassuming during these late adolescent-early adult years. He was a good student, but not mind-boggling in his high school and college academic exploits. He was decent-looking, but not classically handsome by Earthling standards—tall, slender, gracefully awkward, and strikingly empathetic. In general, he was fairly inconspicuous in these early years—a rather well-designed social probe. However, Lorenzo did grow a rather full beard in the later years when he was a graduate student in shitology that was similar to those that were commonly worn by students in the 1960s or seen in pictures of soldiers from the Pamerican Civil War. Thus, he began to be separated from other Earthlings and, especially in the 1990s, was viewed as someone who was quite different, although no one actually suspected that he had come to us from outer space.
It is not entirely clear to us at this time whether the growth of the beard was part of his programmed design that was intended to create a provocative social stimulus that had the goal of eliciting a range of human social responses that were of particular research interest to his originators in outer space. Or, whether Lorenzo freely chose to grow the beard as he began to feel himself differentiating psychosocially from his fellow humans. Perhaps he did this as some form of ritual scarification or similar kind of social identification, as he realized that he was really distinct from other humans, particularly the males, and that perhaps he was actually from somewhere else, possibly from outer space.
The beard was certainly his major visual social marking, along with his hair which, by about age 35, was long on the sides but relatively sparse on top. His enormous penis was actually his most salient visual social marking, but it was usually kept out of sight—at least in those early years. As noted above, Lorenzo probably entered a period of programmed sexual and emotional quiescence during this period of time, as he slowly mastered the Pamerican rendition of human Earthling culture and unknowingly transmitted this information back to the principal investigator in outer space through his somewhat shortened, but still enormous, apparatus.
By approximately 36 years-of-age the initial goals of Probe El Muy Lorenzo Earth Dominant Social Form Ethnography (HMN-72-947821) had been achieved, as the El Muy Lorenzo entity had been inserted into the desired domestic and work contexts on Earth. It was at this point that his apparatus was more fully activated and he was impelled along a behavioral path that had been designed to elicit Earthling dominant social form responses to his empathetic personality that was ironically grafted onto a corpus equipped with a penis deemed enormous by human Earthling standards. Furthermore, this gigantic penis virtually had a life of its own (separate from Lorenzo’s mind and empathetic personality), due to unalterable errors in its programming instructions which, unfortunately, or fortunately, or interestingly, set his thoughts and behavior in sometimes unimaginable directions.
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CHAPTER 3
LORENZO’S MARRIAGE
At 35 years of age Lorenzo married R and in the course of the following fifteen-years they had five children: Kin (a boy); Ren (a girl); Per (a boy); Pan (a girl); and Wan (a boy). They lived in a semi-rural suburb of Trashtown. Lorenzo taught at U-TRASH, as Assistant Professor of Shitology, and R was also employed in the helping professions as a teacher.
We should devote ourselves to a rather careful discussion of this marriage, for Lorenzo’s mind was greatly shaped by this social context. Furthermore, it was the data generated in this context, concerning his relationship with R and the emergence of his adult social personality as a married human Pamerican in the mid-1970s to 1990s, that was transmitted by his apparatus to the Principal Investigator in outer space. From this sample of ethnographic data, the Principal Investigator endeavored to create a valid picture of the life ways of the dominant social form on Earth. It was for these transmittal needs that Lorenzo’s penis was programmed to be somewhat enlarged. However, several small programming errors in this domain apparently produced a multiplicative effect that was entirely unanticipated.
We must say that R was a very attractive woman—handsome and refined, rather than sultry and actress-like, although she could have been that too if she had the desire to market herself as such. She was tall, slightly over six feet in height, with very long, straight, dark brown hair that came down below her shoulders in the style of the 1960s. Her face was thin as was her nose, and her eyes were a light brownish grey. Her manner of dress was folksy, also in the style of the late 1960s. Full skirts with button blouses, or sometimes with tee shirts. Or, less frequently, dresses that were simple but attractive, with slightly dipping necklines, although R was not full-breasted. One black dress, with a muted pattern of stemmed red roses, was particularly lovely, and Lorenzo imagined that when R wore it to work, which she frequently did, that she was seeing her lovers. The mere sight of her going off in the morning in her “party dress,” as Lorenzo called it, was enough to precipitate paroxysms of paranoia in Lorenzo.
R had many lovely necklaces which Lorenzo had given to her over the years, but she did not wear them that often, especially as she became older. This irked Lorenzo as they were Christmas presents, or birthday presents, or presents that he had given to R after he had returned from trips abroad or from shitology conferences in interesting places, and he had chosen them with great care. Lorenzo was pained by the fact that many of these necklaces, which were truly beautiful ethnic pieces, just lay in R’s jewelry box, not having been worn for years, while others had been reduced to disassembled beads scattered in her drawer, half-hung on broken strings.
R always wore earrings, and Lorenzo had also given her some, usually pendulous beads of various ethnic origins. But her taste in earrings seemed to be for things that were quite undistinguished and almost toy-like, and Lorenzo found it difficult to know what she wanted and even more difficult to purchase what he thought she might wear. In reality, he did not understand her preference in earrings, and it seemed that much of what she wore on her ears were rather simple items which she claimed were gifts from her many female friends and female co-workers.
Lorenzo often wondered who had actually given these earrings to R, and had the enduring suspicion that they were from her lovers—either male or female. One particular set bothered him to near distraction. This was a pair of brass heart-shaped earrings that were approximately the size of a large thumb nail. They were somewhat cheap-looking, not an ornament that Lorenzo would have expected to see bedecking R. Quite out of character, if he actually knew her character at all.
Lorenzo did not remember from where these earrings had come and exactly when she had begun to wear them. His vague recollection was that he had first observed the heart-shaped earrings when R had worn them for several consecutive days in mid-February, during the fiftieth year of her life. What was noteworthy, actually extremely noteworthy, was that R first wore these earrings, or Lorenzo first noticed the earrings, the evening that R attended, or said that she was attending, a dinner given by her friend C for several female friends at a lovely country inn on the occasion of C’s fiftieth birthday.
At least that was what R said, that the dinner was being paid for by C’s mother for her birthday. However, it was not lost on Lorenzo (due to his highly evolved analytical abilities developed during his many years of study of the complex biosociocultural issues encompassed in shitology) that the party had occurred just after Valentine’s Day, and that both the party and the earrings may have had more to do with that festival than with the remembrance of C’s day of birth.
Furthermore, or moreover, C had just left her husband of fifteen years and had declared that she was pay. So, R was ostensibly attending a “birthday” dinner for C, her college friend of many years, along with three other women, bedecked with overly-large heart-shaped earrings that had the appearance of symbolic items associated with the exchange of vows. Was this a birthday party for C, or a public (or group) announcement, shortly after their private commitment on Valentine’s Day, that R and C were a couple?
Yes, Lorenzo, with his highly analytical mind that was capable of piecing together disparate and seemingly unrelated items, had cut to the bone and had finally nailed R! She and C were lovers!! Despite the fact that R vehemently denied it, and, furthermore, denied that she was involved with anyone at all, male or female, except for her husband, Lorenzo.
But Lorenzo could see that the evidence, although circumstantial, was overwhelming. The whole business of Valentine’s Day, the heart-shaped earrings, and C having just “stepped out” were all-compelling. And furthermore, R had worn both the heart-shaped earrings and the famous black party dress with muted roses. She wore them both not only to C’s birthday dinner, but together for three consecutive days—the complete ensemble—as though she was attempting to extend some precious moment, engendered during the first wearing, indefinitely into the future. Yes, it was this type of deep social analysis that gave Lorenzo great pleasure. These mental gymnastics highlighted his ability to illuminate the deviousness of human social life through his uncanny ability to tie together seemingly unrelated threads of life into the complex whole that we are all so anxious to conceal from others as well as from ourselves.
Lorenzo was also highly suspicious of other occasions on which R chose to wear her heart-shaped earrings. After considerable ethnographic observation and analysis he had concluded that R usually, or frequently, wore the heart-shaped earrings when she was attending social events or conferences at which she would be encountering new men. Lorenzo believed, or had come to believe, that R had many discreet sexual relationships with men, as well as with women. He felt that the women were mostly close friends, while he believed that her connections with men were both more frequent and more casual, but that they also included a number of long-term relationships.
So, to Lorenzo, the inappropriate, and somewhat tacky, brass heart-shaped earrings were some sort of signal that R would display when she was attempting to connect with men or women in social situations or, for that matter, on the street. This signal, in Lorenzo’s view, would indicate that this lovely, cheery, schoolmarmy, wifely-looking woman of 50-years of age was "in play." However, her overall demeanor indicated that she could only be approached in a most discreet and respectable manner.
This was Lorenzo’s analysis and it fed his paranoid fears that R, his lovely wife of 22 years was unfaithful to him, and that she would never admit this to him. He believed that it was even possible that she was a pathological liar with multiple personalities in whom the good wifely R personality was not even aware of the devious, libidinous, nymphomaniacal personality. This was a belief to which Lorenzo clung until the very end.
We should also comment on R’s extremely gracious and cheery demeanor, as this was her most salient social feature and served as an object of intense social analysis by Lorenzo. Cheery, relentlessly cheery, is what R was! Gracious as well, and at times more than a bit befuddled, but R was nothing if not cheery. Yet, she was not only cheery, she was a sweetipie. A very nice person. Even a saint! For, in addition to being cheery, R was ‘good’! She had been raised as a Praker and had been taught since her youth to be a caring and giving person. Caring and giving to the wretched and the poor and to the plentitude of ethnic minorities, if not to her immediate family and her husband Lorenzo. Furthermore, or moreover, what Lorenzo wanted R to give him was not exactly within R’s ability to give, at least to him, nor part of her definition of ‘good’. He suspected that this was something that she was able to give to others when she was embodied in one of her variant personalities, but it was not something accessible to Lorenzo.
At this stage of our story it is difficult to convey to the reader how R’s cheeriness impacted Lorenzo and was viewed by him, for the reader does not yet really know, because we have not yet really discussed, much about Lorenzo and his various needs. However, Lorenzo’s human personality had developed largely in the context of his marriage to R, and except for the unpredictable effects of some minor programming errors made during his creation, who he was as an Earthling dominant social form had largely been determined by his experiences in working out his psychosexual relationship with R and in raising a family of five children with her.
This being said, we can now state that Lorenzo was initially drawn in by R’s cheeriness, but during the course of his marriage to her (and in the process of explaining to himself and others his increasingly consuming psychosexual needs) Lorenzo had come to see this cheeriness, at least as it was directed toward him, as superficial and highly ritualistic. Yes, ritualistic, rather than deep and authentic, is how he had come to see it, and he was pleased that he was able to apply his professional training in shitology in this analysis of R’s behavior, particularly as it related to him.
Lorenzo had actually come to view R’s cheeriness as an extreme form of deviousness. By being so nice, and ‘good’, and relentlessly cheery, R was putting herself beyond reproach and, more importantly, beyond suspicion! These observations, and the subsequent data derived from them, formed the basis of a thick analysis in Lorenzo’s mind; more precisely a thick shitological analysis of this highly textured behavior. Viewed within the context of mid-range theory derived from a melding of the shitological perspective and that put forward by Peertz in his classic 1973 work, Lorenzo was able to develop a deeply textured assessment of the psycho-social-sexual motivation behind R’s cheery onslaught.
First, Lorenzo was certain that R was unfaithful to him irrespective of her many denials and in spite the fact that he relentlessly spied on her comings and goings at work and during her rather long lunch periods—without ever having discovered any indiscretions on her part.
It was during these extended lunch periods, when R moved across town from one worksite to another, that Lorenzo suspected—or was certain—that R was carrying on almost daily encounters with a multitude of male and female lovers.
It had become increasingly clear to Lorenzo (due to his highly developed analytical abilities honed over the years in writing innumerable scientific papers based on his work in pure shitology as well as his work on multi-disciplinary bioshitological studies that he had carried out at multi-centre cooperating institutions) that R’s cheeriness was a calculated offensive strategy designed to deflect suspicion away from her for her many sexual prevarications. Who would ever suspect that this wifely, churchy, ‘good’, saintly, relentlessly cheery and suffocatingly maternal woman could ever be a hopelessly compulsive bisexual nymphomaniac scurrying from one paramour to another between her many good deeds, her carpooling of her children, her tending of her garden and flowers, and her purposefully contrived ostentatious displays of domesticity in walking her dog Para!
Lorenzo was particularly certain that these obviously overblown manifestations of domesticity were contrived behaviors designed to deflect his suspicions away from her hidden nymphomaniacal tendencies. Her daily walking of Para, during which time she would cheerily chat with neighbors whom she encountered with or without dogs, was obviously, to Lorenzo, an attempt on R’s part to portray her rectitude and domesticity to the social group and consequently to undermine Lorenzo’s credibility to the social group if he were ever to find concrete evidence of her wrongdoings and attempt to air them publicly. Who would ever believe the notoriously lusting Lorenzo’s contorted claims about R’s nymphomaniacal forays if they were countered by the sincere denials or R, a stellar member of society?
There were other false domesticities as well! Although cheery, R was very reserved with Lorenzo and discouraged his many physical advances around the house—his kissing in the kitchen and his patting of her butt, and his insatiable desire, or need, for multiple daily copulations. She deflected these demonstrations of affection and desire and orchestrated an everyday life of cheery distance. Yet, when they would take their occasional walk together around the neighborhood R would invariably take Lorenzo’s arm, or put her arm over his shoulder, in an exaggerated public display of what Lorenzo felt was superficial affection that had the sole purpose of falsely signaling to their friends and neighbors that all was well in this blissful marriage, thus concealing the turmoil, the deviousness, the plotting and planning, and the profound physical and emotional disengagement that characterized their relationship.
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CHAPTER 4
THE MIND OF EL MUY LORENZO
We have seen that as an Earth Dominant Social Form Probe, Lorenzo was programmed to acquire the basic rudiments of Earthling culture and to undergo early personality development so that he could be inserted into human society. However, the Principal Investigator’s main research goal was to explore the psychosexual development of a male dominant social form (human) within the marital relationship—or, more precisely and scientifically, what he called in the research protocol “the adult continuous mating relationship.” To this end, prior to his relationship with R, Lorenzo’s overall process of maturation was somewhat stunted, but following marriage, his psychosexual development was programmed to accelerate significantly and data on these developmental events and crises were transmitted to the Principal Investigator in outer space via his enormous antenna.
The Principal Investigator was employing a research strategy devised by him and others which maintained that an in-depth study of the psychosexual development of a representative individual during a complete reproductive cycle (from marriage to the time that the last child leaves the parental household) would provide unique insights into the entire sociocultural milieu of the dominant social form social group. Unfortunately, the principal investigator had only a superficial understanding of sampling theory and the limitations of a sample of one. His research strategy had not accounted for the additive, or multiplicative, effects of a number of minor programming errors, particularly those pertaining to the developmental schedule for the growth of Lorenzo’s penis.
As a consequence of these particular factors, the emotional and sexual components of Lorenzo’s rapidly awakening personality were thrown into overdrive, and his emerging needs in these areas initially sought recognition in his marital relationship with R. This unfortunately heightened developmental schedule (which was very much an artifact of the: Principal Investigator’s research design; the additive and multiplicative programming errors with respect to the penis; and the peculiarities of R as a wife, or mate in the Principal Investigator’s terms) led to the evolution of the social entity that came to be known as The Large-Penised White Male and the ensuing legends surrounding his sexual exploits and his perambulations through the social milieu in which he found himself inserted. A careful consideration of these factors will provide us with: important insights into scientific methodology; a greater understanding of the importance of the marital context in psychosexual development; and a fuller appreciation of how minor programming errors affecting penis size and, consequently sexual development, may help account for the more extreme behavioral variation observed among humans, some of whom, like Lorenzo, may have come to us from outer space.
By now it should be abundantly clear to us that Lorenzo had a gigantic penis (including the reasons why his apparatus was so large) and that he was married to R, who usually did not wear the nice necklaces that Lorenzo had given her, but who did occasionally, or frequently, wear the tacky brass heart-shaped earrings that caused Lorenzo so much concern. What has not yet been revealed to the reader is how Lorenzo came to be known as The Large-Penis White Male, and how a thick and highly textured analysis of Lorenzo’s mental make-up can shed considerable light on the incredible events that we are about to convey.
Perhaps the initial thing that we should directly say about Lorenzo is that at first he truly did not realize that he had a gargantuan penis. What this unsuspecting lad brought with him from the depths of outer space is something that had not been unfurled during the entire course of vertebrate evolutionary history on Earth. Furthermore, this something was doubly remarkable not only for its magnificent length, but for its firm and highly textured (some would say roughened) surface. Although its length and texture were particularly noteworthy, what was even more spectacular, to the unsuspecting observer, was its dark reddish purple color.
Upon first encountering this colossal apparatus in its fully extended attitude, most viewers experienced an initial palpable fear reaction. The composite picture of Lorenzo’s full black beard, his lustful looking bluish-green eyes, his lips which seemed always to be searching for the full feeling of soft female lips, or for the feeling of bulbous nipples in the initial state of arousal, led, in the average viewer, to the sense of being in the presence of something wild and primitive—of being in the very presence of a ‘forest creature’. Visualization of Lorenzo’s stupendous thing invariably drove females to paroxysms of uncontrollable desire, a sense of absolute need so profound that life itself seemed unbearable without being visited by its plentitude and by the wild, but somewhat boyishly ingenuous, ‘forest creature’ to which it was so firmly attached.
Among males there was an entirely different reaction, and this was of great interest to the Principal Investigator. Most males who somehow caught a glimpse of Lorenzo’s gigantic apparatus did not see it in its fully unfurled state. Male visualizations of Lorenzo’s penis usually occurred in a public men’s room when minimal social information was being transmitted and the apparatus had consequently not achieved its full form that was necessary to transmit data to outer space. However, on several occasions at U-TRASH Lorenzo had entered the men’s washroom in the presence of individuals who had particular social valencies to him—professionally competitive, or hostile to him within the context of the politics of the Department of Shitology, or individuals who were aggressively pomosexual in the refined manner of academia. During these times, while he listened, or was subjected to, the banter of the washroom, the mighty staff unfurled to near full length (in order to transmit this important social data to the Principal Investigator in outer space) as he stood before the urinal. This produced the most amazing sight of Lorenzo reaching the urinal from half way across the men’s room with his enormous reddish purple, highly textured tube capped by what could only be described as the ‘cap of caps’. We should also say that Lorenzo’s penis was stout, but not unaesthetically so. Certainly, it did not have the dimensions of a water main. It was perhaps three times the normal thickness, but not too wide to impede its proper pneumatic function.
The reaction of other males to this sight was invariably one of derision, contempt, and disgust. Not one single positive comment, even in a jocular manner. This thing, which would have brought accolades of comradely acclaim to males who were part of the dominant socio-religious group, brought looks of suspicion and contempt toward Lorenzo, despite what an impartial panel of observers certainly would have concluded was an aesthetically magnificent, and truly wondrous, appendage. It was some of these early washroom encounters which alerted Lorenzo to the fact that he was somehow different from other humans and that he, with or without his magnificent penis unfurled, elicited markedly different and unpleasant responses from members of the male sex compared to those that he received from females.
At this point we have, through a very carefully layered descriptive analysis, conveyed a highly textured picture of: Lorenzo’s phenomenal penis; its visual elements; his own perception of the thing; and the flutter it caused in the men’s washroom when it was put to its most innocent, and basic, task. However, we have not yet dealt with what Lorenzo really did with this great thing. To what social uses it was put? And, how this gigantic, programming error-induced mutant penis, with a virtual life of its own, had cut a swath through femalehood and had wrought havoc throughout sedate society.
Having said the above, we may now proceed with a highly textured thick analysis of Lorenzo’s growing obsession with his penis. This obsession was engendered not because he originally thought that his penis was beautiful, or even nice, or even longish. As we have seen, in his early years Lorenzo really did not think too much about his penis. It was only when he began to bestow it on human femalehood that he began to realize, quite to his ingenuous amazement, that he had something that was highly desired, something that females wanted desperately. Furthermore, the females seemed to sense that he had this highly sought after item without their ever having seen it. By some unknown process they knew that this shy and soft-spoken lad had what they wanted—an enormous penis that had an autonomous life of its own and which lived far beyond the laws of normal human intercourse. A penis that somehow had become separated from the ‘forest creature’ to which it had belonged and had become attached to the body of a reasonably attractive, humorous, well-educated, fellow who went by the name of El Muy Lorenzo. By looking into Lorenzo’s somewhat wild blue-green eyes, they seem to have been able to see that this highly socially-appropriate-looking body, and its attendant superficial personality, were really the vehicle for a penis of unimaginable length and vitality, and that this relatively reserved penis bearer was truly the much anticipated Large-Penised White Male who was prophesied to come for the more complete benefit of all femaledom.
The reader may ask why Lorenzo only belatedly realized that he was the Large-Penised White Male given the obvious fact that soon after his arrival from outer space he was put to such good and incessant use by the maidens on the beach, as reported above by the stratified sample from that group. The reason, as reported above, was that Lorenzo’s human personality was only going through its initial phase of development during this early period of adaptation, adjustment, and refitting (up to a point, so to speak) to the Earth dominant social form cultural milieu. He had virtually no recollection of these events, and it was only later, when he entered into the marital relationship with R, and his psychosexual development was accelerated, that he suddenly became aware of the vast arsenal that he carried between his legs.
Perhaps it would be helpful to the reader if we would provide you with greater details, more specifics, about Lorenzo’s actual relationships with particular women, rather than the vague generalizations based on Lorenzo’s statements as they have come to us from Shitsteak’s own analysis following his breakdown. We should report, however, that it was extremely difficult, virtually impossible, to directly interview the women involved. This is because Lorenzo quite frequently carried out his affairs with married women who, obviously, were unwilling to discuss the matters in a public forum. Furthermore, Lorenzo, feeling a lack of empathy from other males, had never confided anything about his innumerable and varied sexual exploits to them. What we do know is what he revealed to Shitsteak during the course of Shitsteak’s treatment of him. It is the data from his therapy, supplemented by direct revelations by a limited number of the principal participants, that forms the basis of our continuing discussion, and these data must be treated in the most highly confidential and respectful manner despite their superficially prurient nature.
Lorenzo sought Shitsteak’s assistance when R discovered that he was having a long-term affair with N. Why R married Lorenzo is unknown. It is also unknown how R did not know that Lorenzo was having affairs with virtually all of the women in his and her social network, and many outside of it, especially with women with: large breasts; medium sized breasts that were disproportionately large and protuberant, in the European fashion, for their medium to slender bodies; small breasts with long hair, or short hair and attractive faces with soft lips; longish dirty-blond hair; long brown hair; long black hair; frizzy hair; lightly pigmented skin with a flush of red in the cheeks and lips; medium pigmented skin (he really could not say olive because he really had never seen a women with olive-colored skin, and olives have so many different colors that the reader would surely be confused); darkly pigmented skin with large, medium, and small breasts and various types of hair; disproportionately large buttocks affixed to relatively slender, medium, or slightly large frames that were balanced by breasts of ample magnitude.
For whatever reason, R chose to ignore, or not see, (unless it was thrust by circumstances fully in her face so she could not possibly block it out and still claim to be conscious) the fact that women tended to seek Lorenzo’s affections and that Lorenzo had absolutely no control when confronted, or fronted, by an aroused woman, slightly intoxicated or sober, who, upon seeing our appealing friend, decided that she must have him within. Of course there were also occasions when unsuspecting women, perhaps even unaroused women (some burdened by the repressive conventions of society, and others, a limited number, somehow unmoved—perhaps due to hormonal irregularities on their part or their fear of ecstasy), were somehow unmoved by what Lorenzo was able to bring to bear on the situation. This occasionally led to awkward consequences when they were confronted with Lorenzo’s rapid escalations. R dealt with Lorenzo’s need to copulate with virtually all women in sight by totally ignoring everything that took place out of her presence and by totally ignoring everything that took place within her presence. Furthermore, over the years, she attempted to steer their joint social lives away from contexts that contained socially appropriate women of some nubility, for she knew that Lorenzo would generally not initiate liaisons with socially inappropriate women in her presence, although in the depths of her mind she suspected that in the world at large that he would not show such control. Therefore, their social life was somewhat circumscribed, involving a limited number of close friends that Lorenzo, with commendable restraint, and solely to achieve a modicum of domestic tranquility, had declared off-limits. Actually, a short-term mistress, who he recalled had a butterfly tattoo on her buttocks before such things were popular, had advised him not to “shit on his own doorstep,” an admonition that Lorenzo reluctantly embraced.
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CHAPTER 5
N
We could say a few words about N, but the reader must respect the fact that what we relate is highly confidential and is derived from Shitsteak’s records which were kept in a locked cabinet without indication of the patient’s name, in accordance with U.S. Regulation 69 regarding confidentiality of psychological and psychiatric records. Actually, we cannot be absolutely certain if these records pertain to N, or Lorenzo’s comments about N, since they do not actually have a label identifying them as such—for the above reasons of complete confidentiality to which Shitsteak adhered scrupulously. However, they do refer to Lorenzo and to a young woman called N who appears to have been approximately 23 years of age in the late 1970s and 44 years of age in 1998, when the entries cease, following Shitsteak’s final breakdown.